Healing Scarcity

Lyn and Renee dialogue on Living in the Land of Irresponsibility..ahhhhhhhh….

Lyn: Renee, I hear you use the expression, ‘the Dog ate my homework and the cat peed on the rug,” when you talk about someone making excuses. For example, when I was dealing with a communications company that chose to bill me for a service I did not request, when I called them on it, they could not take the charge off because their computer system would not let them. Is this what you mean?

Renee: Yes, that and more. For me, this expression means someone is not taking responsibility, and that shows up in myriad ways. For example, when you call a friend and you ask them how they are, and they start going into their whole repertoire about how awful the world is to them. They go on with how their phone got shut off because they never got the bill to pay it, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. That is a perfect example of “the dog ate my homework and the cat peed on the rug,” because they were not present to inquire if you were available to hold space while they vent.

Renee: when this happens, the most loving thing we can do is to ask them, “So what do you choose to do about it?” When someone is in irresponsibility mode, they are not present to resolving an issue. They are simply present to being in victimhood and bathing in the issue.

Lyn: I get the picture here of someone wallowing in the muck and the mire, really bogged down in the negativity. This reminds me of someone I knew years ago, of whom my mother remarked, “He enjoys his misery more than anyone I know!”

Renee: Right, and notice how much fun it is to be with someone who is in that space. Have you ever noticed when someone is in that space, either doing a “dump and run,” or filled with excuses, they become a talking head? We no longer listen, as it is very difficult to listen to a talking head.

So why do we talk at someone and blame others?

Lyn: Hang on, let me clarify something: You’re saying “I did not get my phone bill” is both excuse AND expression of blame?

Renee: Yes it is, because they are not taking responsibility. How many of us document when our bills are due, on a calendar or on a spreadsheet, so that when you don’t get one of them, you know something is wrong? It is your responsibility to figure out why.

Lyn: Right, actually what I’m hearing is it my responsibility to choose to be aware in the first place, and then to choose to put a system in place that helps me track it. Is this what you’re saying?

Renee: Exactly.

Lyn: Okay, let’s pull your question forward here: Why do we talk at someone and blame others instead of taking responsibility ourselves? Well, My guess is because it is easier and more comfortable than looking within, especiallly if we are running the Blame Game internally, becasue that means we’re self judging. what do you think?

Renee: Or – all we really want to do is vent. But if that remains undeclared, then it sounds like bitching and the listener tends to tune out.

Lyn: Good point. So, once again – we hear the call to awareness, and the reminder to own the truth of where we are.

Renee: Yeah.

Lyn: We’re bringing this up because “the dog ate my homework” seems to be such a familiar refrain these days. What are you noticing, Renee?

Renee: well, what i”M noticing is taht when people are stressed and feeling overwhelmed, it is very easy to blame others for how we feel. And, if we are aware of the different types of communication, we can then choose to be present.

For example, one format of communication is venting. And if someone declares, “Can I vent?” it lets the other person know all they have to do is hold the space; there is no input required. It is just holding loving space and allowing the other to let it rip.

Lyn: Okay. So what distinguishes venting from complaining — and by complaining, I mean someone who seems to be caught in the “woe is me” loop, like a needle stuck on a record?

Renee:The fact they asked permission! They are checking in to see if you can be present to hold the space. By contrast, someone who is in victimhood is not present and has no conscious awareness of whether you are available or not.

Lyn: In other words, by asking permission to be heard, they took responsibility. (what a concept! )

Renee: Yes they did and how loving & self empowering is that? When we ask permission to vent, the person we ask permission of has a choice. They can choose to hold the loving space or decline the invitation.. When we ask permission, everybody gets to choose. Again, consider how loving and empowering this is for all parties involved, because everyone is taking responsibly for their own choice.

When we choose to be in this space of responsibility and conscious awareness, the benefits go beyond the immediate communication. When we stand in a place of lovingness and are present enough to just hold space for our brother or sister to process & regroup an issue, we are really assisting in healing the collective consciousness and supporting expansion. What a gift. What a miracle. For we don’t judge our brethren and get impatient or intolerant of where they are, we just infuse love and experience the miracle of healing with them!